Conflict Resolution

Spent all day yesterday in Des Moines for District Meetings. The District has appointed me as a part of a Church Health Team. It is pretty exciting to think and strategize how we can plant new churches and revitalize others. While we were there Glenn Reynolds did a teaching session on conflict management. It was really good so I wanted to share some of the points that he made.

There is a good way to handle conflict and then there is a bad way to handle conflict. If conflict is handled in a bad way it can result in 1) Damage to individuals 2) Loss of personnel 3) Damage to organizational trust 4) Loss of learning opportunity 5) Root of bitterness. These are five costs of poor conflict resolution. If conflict is handled the right way then; 1) Surface key issues and tensions 2)Build relational currency 3) Produce new and creative ideas 4) Cause organizations to re-evaluate and clarify goals and mission. 5) Allows for experiential learning. I have been on both sides of conflict and believe me, I would rather be on the healthy side then the unhealthy side of conflict.

So how do we resolve conflict? One way is use the triangle of Satisfaction. On the top of the triangle is the "What?". What is the tip of the iceberg? What is the conflict about? After you deal with the what, we then need to deal with the "Why?". Why did this conflict happen? Is there any Psychological or Emotional Issues behind this? One District Leader met with a board member who gave all his pastors a hard time. Each pastor ended up leaving the church because of this particular board member. Finally, a District official asked the board member if he ever met a pastor that he actually liked. The board member replied, "Yes, one and that pastor molested me when I was a child." The "Why?" behind why that board member was so mean to all his pastors was because of something that happened to him as a child and to this day he could not trust any pastor. Usually in conflict, there is an issue behind the issue. We need to discover the "Why?" of conflict. The final stage is the "How?". How do we resolve this issue or heal the past? In other words, how can we move forward? Is there issues that we need to deal with in our past? Do we need to go and ask for forgiveness to someone? Do we need to forgive the past? Conflict is not resolved unless we move forward from it.

I hope this helps anyone with dealing with issues of conflict. Conflict affects our marriages, our family and our churches. If we know how to deal with conflict when it comes, it will be a lot less painful when it happens.